Worry? What, me?

Aren’t you worried?

That was my mom’s question to me this evening. I took her up on her offer for pizza and tabouleh after work. I’ve had what could be considered a somewhat trying week. It’s been exhausting and simultaneously a personal challenge.

Well, I mean sure. But in the grand scheme of life worries, this is merely a blip on the radar.

I’ve decided to make a career change. Yup. During the middle of a recession (read: depression), I have decided that this is the most opportune time to look for a new job. And why not? I have this desire to be fulfilled at all times, and truthfully there are elements of myself and huge portions of my soul that are grossly unfulfilled right now.

I guess that makes sense. I mean you would know better than anyone.

Life decisions. I’m going to be very honest right now. The only thing that truly stresses me out about them is thinking/knowing that I am disappointing my parents. Some of it is imagined, but some of it is very real. I think they fear sometimes that I don’t have a plan. But, I do. It’s a plan deeply rooted in being true to myself. And, that’s a plan they created, started and nurtured.

This is a whole new ballgame, mom. And thank you.

I meant that “thank you” wholeheartedly. I think hearing my mom say that I would know best is one of the single greatest things I’ve heard in my life. I told her that it’s totally different this time around. I know a lot more people, and I’m a lot more confident in my abilities. I know what I am capable of, and I’m entirely comfortable talking about it. There is something freeing about that confidence. I know that speaking freely allows me to put it all out on the table  and will ultimately make wherever I end up be a true match to my personality.

During this past week, a lot of different elements of my personality and self have been questioned and brought into the limelight. I realized this week that I am genuinely happy with the person who I am. This is not to say that I am perfect or that there are not things I need to work on, but I am happy to say that I know I am a work in progress.

So, yes. Thanks, mom, indeed.

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reflective.

I haven’t been writing a lot publicly lately because there’s a lot going on in my head. I keep two different handwritten journals, and they have been the recipient of most of my thoughts lately.

Spending time at Westridge yesterday, made me really miss teaching. That is an odd statement for me because I miss it pretty badly without being reminded of it. The simple act of speaking about teaching made me energized. I enjoy the interaction with kids as they are learning more than almost anything in the world. At this point, I would say it’s tied with writing. In some ways, it fulfills a very creative aspect in me. There’s something about figuring out how to teach a student and how to reach a student that requires as much creative energy as writing a short story.

I have been following baseball in box scores alone at this point. I’m happy to see how well Billingsley pitched last night! I didn’t think he would be a problem though….

After two days off, it’s back to work for me!

Weird Nights & Awesome Days

I’m taking two days off of work (today included). Originally, it was just going to be Thursday, but I woke up on Tuesday and my body was still aching. I realized that standing for seventeen hours and running around on Saturday probably was more exhausting than I was allowing myself to believe. So, I put in my request and left about an hour early yesterday.

I headed from work to Santa Monica to watch the Lakers and Dodgers and enjoy the warm weather. Our group was interesting. It was fun, but it was also something I’ve never really experienced. I think I sometimes forget that I’m a little odd. I also forget that it takes a lot to get used to me and with some people it’s instant and for others I remain a mystery for a long time.

Needless to say, it was slightly odd. Somewhat exhausting. I don’t know. Just a strange night.

On the positive side, I have learned something about myself and baseball caps. I also got to walk along the Pacific Ocean at 2 a.m. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that, and I really think it was good for my soul.

Today, I headed back to the same beach with three awesome ladies. It was a nice, quiet day.

Sometimes it’s very hard for me to connect with girls. I’m very conscious of that and I try, but my mind wanders (as evidenced by last night). I’m happy with the way the day turned about because the three women I was with are all very different. I completely respect them all in their own right, but I’m very aware of what different people they are. I feel so fortunate to know them all because they all possess strengths that I admire.

I appreciate the ocean for its power.

And I appreciate the companionship. I think, though, tomorrow will be a day just for me. I have a lot floating in my head right now, and I think I need to take some time to listen to it and sort it out.

And then…..maybe back to the desert this Saturday.

California Sun

It’s been more days than I’d like to think about since I’ve written. I’ve been pretty close to exhausted after a 17-hour work day on Saturday. It was a pretty successful dinner for my job. (At some point, perhaps I will write more about that.) But, I just wanted to check in with my virtual mind and share that these are currently my favorite song lyrics….

Let’s live the life of a sinner
And we’ll be living on the run
Right Here in the California sun

With the last two days of 90+ heat, it is really relevant.

I’m LOVING this.

excitement

As I am getting ready to turn in for the night, I had to flip through my “All Along the Watchtower” book. I’m unbelievably happy about this. I don’t know that I could really describe it, but to see my own writing in print and bound with a cover was quite a moment of personal accomplishment for me.

Beyond that, I have been ridiculously busy. At work and at home.

Our dinner looks like it will be about 350 people. Putting together all of the tiny details on  an event like that can really take a toll on a person. It’s not hard exactly, but it requires a level of organization that I probably don’t really grasp.

I can’t wait for Sunday! (The dinner is Saturday so that will be the day my life goes back to normal.)

I’ve genuinely enjoyed baseball on the radio this week. It’s comforting in a lot of ways.

I should be asleep….

The Aerogarden

I’m going to preface this post by saying that I was obsessed with the Aerogarden long before I had one. I even get their monthly catalogues (which, when I told my mom, prompted her to say “I didn’t know it was that serious”).

I really do think it’s the coolest thing ever. One of the things that makes me a little sad about my apartment (apart from the fact that I can’t have a dog) is that there is no patio, let alone a backyard. When I first saw the Aerogarden on TV, I thought it would be the perfect solution.

So, it’s pretty low maintenance, which is awesome for me because I have a tendency to kill plants. You fill the reservoir with water and nutrient tablets, set the light timer, and drop in the seed pods. The coolest thing is that you put these little “biodomes” over each pod. (Yes, I’m way too excited about this.) The lights provide the seeds with 16 hours of artificial “daylight” every day and 8 hours of darkness. Fortunately, it can be over-ridden and the light hours can be customized. It’s pretty bright and would be slightly annoying if it had to be on during the night. The machine monitors the water level and alerts you when you need to refill it or add nutrients.

All in all, I absolutely love it, and it hasn’t even produced herbs yet!

My Aerogarden!

My Aerogarden!

Dodgers (6-3) 5, Giants 4 [April 15, 2009]

I learned a couple of things today: (a) box scores don’t appear instantly. I’m sitting here 30 seconds after the end of the game repeatedly clicking refresh expecting the box score to pop up. I suppose that’s why they usually appear in the morning paper and (b) it’s game 9 of the 2009 baseball season and I am sorry to report that I was pacing in my living room. This is going to either be a really great or really awful season!

As to the actual game,

  • I feel bad that Kershaw didn’t get the win. He still needs to reduce his pitch count by about 10 pitches per inning in my opinion, but he ended the night with 7 innings pitched, 1 earned run and 13 strikeouts. Even better, his ERA is now a fabulous 1.50. (Cue Koufax references.)
  • Matt Kemp has a nine game hitting streak. I’ve mentioned it now twice, and he hasn’t been jinxed! (I’m surprised that my outpouring of support for both Kemp and Kershaw hasn’t caused some sort of catastrophe. I just need to keep reminding myself not to buy t-shirts.)
  • I’m still very concerned about the 12 runners left in scoring position and the 1 for 7 batting with runners on base. It’s no wonder that the winning run was walked in. Sigh.
  • Back to Kershaw. He only faced one more than the minimum hitter for 7 innings. Totally loving it!!

Last thing…I just heard that the last time two Dodgers had back-to-back pitchers with strikeouts in double digits was Kevin Brown and Chan Ho Park.

Oh…one more thing…Kershaw, at 21, is the youngest pitcher to hit that mark in LA Dodger history. Prior to him? Sandy Koufax at 19 years old. (Re-cue the Koufax comparisons.)

April 15 Box

April 15 Box