dreams & a kiss from a scorpion

I have this issue (for lack of a better word) with dreams.

The first part of this is that I believe that dreams are meant to tell you something. And I feel that, at least in my life, if those messages are not addressed, the dreams will plague you. I have battled recurring dreams for awhile. I had two epic experiences with recurring dreams. I say epic because they rattled me, and they did not go away until I figured out what they meant and what I needed to do to address the issue.

The second thing is that for some odd reason I dream music. Sometimes there are songs along with my dreams, but other times, I just literally dream the music. I don’t know if anyone else experiences that, but I’ve never talked to anyone who says they do.

All of that being said, this really has to do with neither of those.

When I left my job and cleaned out my office, I brought with me this crystallized scorpion that an intern had given me. I had kept it on my desk for luck at work. When I brought it home, it spent some time on my nightstand, and a couple of weeks ago I put it next to my door so I could see it as I exit each day. Then, a few weeks ago, I went hiking with some friends and the topic of scorpions came up. The end result of the conversation was that I said I considered them to be good luck.

I have already detailed my scorpion adventures from last night/early this morning, but what I didn’t refer to was my thought last night that I was about to be kissed by a scorpion. The funny thing is that they really don’t creep me out.

At any rate, (and this post is getting messier, I know) there’s a scene from the movie La Bamba that always sticks out in my head. Bob takes his younger brother Ritchie into Mexico to see some sort of healer, who skins a rattlesnake and gives it to Ritchie to eat. It served to be one of those centering trips. So, that has also been in my head as of late. It came into my head last weekend when I battled a horrid migraine, and I thought to myself that without health insurance, I’d really prefer to go to Mexico and see a shaman. I figured that a more holistic approach at this point might be more helpful to my overall well-being.

All of these things have been in my head for the past week as I have worked (or not worked) at sorting out some situations.

Last night, I fell into a very deep sleep. And it was a swirl of vivid dreams. They were completely vivid in color. It was almost as though the skies were extra blue and the deserts extra deep. It was a journey, and I feel that it lasted the entire length of my sleep although that is likely not true. Huts and shamans and scorpions and border crossings and the poncho that is in the picture I keep next to my bed. There was no end destination. It was just movement. Honestly, in the dream I was completely at peace. It didn’t end with me waking up alarmed or feeling that I was lost.

It was almost therapeutic. As though I had traveled through something and come out with a lot more clarity. The thing is I couldn’t tell you any specific thing that is more clear, but today is the first day that I haven’t dipped into that mental area of feeling that I might possibly be in over my head.

I woke up easily, and I realized I was drenched in sweat. I literally woke up in a daze, as though I had truly traveled through the desert and woke up to find myself at the end of the journey. It was initially somewhat alarming, but I realized that perhaps it was the physical cleansing that accompanied an odd, surreal mental cleansing.

I appreciate my dreams. It’s funny because during my waking hours, I practice meditation and clear my head of all thoughts. And sometimes, at some points in my life, in my sleeping hours, these dreams awake thoughts from a deep subconscious. I have learned to listen to both because I know they both have a place in my happiness.

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Memories….

I’m in the middle of sorting through five years worth of pictures to update the 643 Portfolio (stay tuned!) to be more comprehensive.

In going through these pictures, I have realized two very awesome things.

1. I spend an awful lot of time in trees. And for some very odd reason, there are tons of pictures of me in said trees:

Me in a tree that I apparently shouldn't have been in.

Me in a tree that I apparently shouldn't have been in.

Me jumping out of a tree!

Me jumping out of a tree!

#2 Tanaya and I have be wreaking havoc for a very, very long time. I don’t know why I’m surprised we’re as bad as we are right now because this has been going on for years and years…..

I'd say about half of the time we look like this.

I'd say about half of the time we look like this.

And the other half of the time, we pretty much look like this.

And the other half of the time, we pretty much look like this.

Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Insanity

I wake up this morning at 10:30, which I rarely, rarely do.

I find on my dining room table a relatively large wooden replica of a scorpion, a box of modeling clay and some Elmer’s glue.

There are bags of trash in three different locations on my living room floor, and I’m in a general state of what the heck happened yesterday?!?

Oh, right….

I woke up on 5 hours of sleep and went back to work for the the first time in 3 weeks. From there, I trekked out to Beverly Hills-ish to pick Tanaya up from work. We spent a little over an hour making our way to Burbank. We spent another hour thoroughly annoying our waiter at the Olive Garden (who, honestly, was pretty rude).

From there it was just a rapid disintegration of an evening. We spent three hours in a Michaels trying to buy frames for the bridal show we will be participating in next Sunday. After circling the store for hours and pretty much losing our minds, we came across these build-able wooden creatures. When I saw a scorpion, I knew it was some kind of fate. Seconds later, Tanaya found a frog so we felt we should probably get them for good luck.

Unfortunately, we felt compelled to also visit a Target. What happened from that point until we returned to my apartment has conveniently left my memory (oh! except for the fact that I found an awesome, awesome Santana t-shirt). We did manage to get all of our display and framing together for the show, and spent the remaining 2 hours of time together building these little creatures. Tanaya painted hers….

And 21 hours after it started, my day ended with me wondering if I should sit up and write this whole ordeal out. I’m glad that I did not, but I really, really need about 20 more hours of sleep.

Happy Saturday!

My glee over finding sand paper in the little kit.

My glee over finding sand paper in the little kit.

The Scorpion

The Scorpion

& The Frog

& The Frog

Drafting Me

I used to dread anything that made me write about myself or describe myself. Why? I would say or think. Now, I have a blog and all kinds of social networking sites, and that’s all it does. It gives people a glimpse into my life. In ways that I really never imagined.

When I was in 7th grade, I had to write a Biopoem. It was so strange as I was handed the template again on Tuesday. I was told to draft one to share with the students in the summer program I would be working in. I would love to be able to find the one I did 15 years ago and compare them. I’ll have to check with my mom to see if it’s lying around her garage, but for now this is what I did, filling in the blanks to the prompts with little thought to get my first reaction.

I am a writer, photographer, teaching and a dreamer.
I like moments of intensity,  moments of life, and moments of freedom.
I feel intricately designed.
I see a lot more clearly than I used to.
I want to dig my toes into the desert sand….forever.
I know that understanding may never come so acceptance is the best gift I’ve ever given myself.
I pretend that it’s all just out of my grasp.
I expect that I will always land on my feet, that laughter will be plentiful, and that joy will always be present.
I believe deeply in the sanctity of my soul and the holy presence of God.
I worry about people who worry about me.
I wonder about the presence and place of peace in this world.
I plan to spend the 30th year of my life gainfully unemployed.
I understand that life is simply a journey that can be shaped into an amazing adventure.
I dream vividly about the things I need to work on, people and places that have slipped away, and about music.
I try my best to deal with my unconventionality.
I hope that my decisions never cause anyone pain.
I will always (and have always) be able to look myself in the mirror and know that I have been exactly who I needed to be that day.

Tom Goodwin, Matt Kemp & Just What I Needed

Super long day. And I’ll stop there.

I started this blog post with Tom Goodwin because he was the answer to the trivia question I answered to win tickets to tonight’s game. After a serious comedy of errors, we made it out there. And were absolutely delighted with our seats. Thank you so much to VIPTICKETS for your Twitter trivia contest!

Perfect, perfect night....

Perfect, perfect night....

And of course, Matt Kemp’s game-winning RBI single in the bottom of the 10th was pretty awesome so he gets kudos for the night too. I’m sorry it didn’t go 22 innings like someone wanted, but we can certainly try again.

And I’ll get to all the talk about kidneys tomorrow…..after some sleep.

Blessings

I have learned from my former roommate’s post last night that listing all of the negative things that happened today is just not the way to go. So, instead, I’m going to list my blessings for the day.

Blessing #1: Having had insurance on my credit cards at all.
Blessing #2: Possessing the ability to walk for 2 hours.
Blessing #3: Being such a conscientious driver that misplacing my driver’s license didn’t cause any trouble.
Blessing #4: Having such kind parents who are willing to come rescue me with my unstartable car now that my AAA has expired.

All I Wanted to do is Dance

Who’s feeling sorry now?
Just when I thought I knew how
The man with the master plan
Let it all slip through my hands.

Hahahaha. There is no plan. I made one. Kind of. Well, I did. Why did I make this plan? To be a responsible adult.

Blown to smithereens. Yup.

So, now I get to laugh. And roll with it. Really what else is there to do? I could be upset. I could get angry. I could cry. But then, I’d miss out on the Dodger game tonight and my chai latte this afternoon and looking for my memory somewhere in between. And I’d miss out on throwing another plan into the scrap pile. Plus, it’s honestly kind of fun to draft an entire new plan….that’s probably why I do them. Plus, I get to turn this song on and dance around my apartment.

How could this happen to me?
I had it all worked out to a T.
Went through it with a fine-toothed comb….

Oh, the minor setbacks in this fabulously fun thing we call life. Some days it really makes me smile.

(lyrics from the Los Lobos)