In the past month, I said repeatedly to several people that my life was just out of my own grasp. It was a sensation of feeling overwhelmed coupled with exhaustion and genuine stress that I have not felt in a couple of years.
This all ended with a beautiful stroke of fate– a flat tire on Friday. That wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t been totally mutilated so as to be beyond repair. Several hundred dollars later that tire was replaced along with the other cracked tire, and I sat there no longer upset but deeply grateful.
Grateful, first, to the two very kind gentlemen who helped me deal with my car in the first place.
Secondly, grateful that the multiple punctures on this tire somehow held together long enough that there was no serious injury to myself or to my car.
And thirdly grateful for a realization. It came partly with the unexpected bill that required me to use a credit card I haven’t used in 7 months and partly with the celebratory lunch I had with a coworker on Friday afternoon. I don’t have a bad life by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, I have everything I could need. But it is a struggle. It’s a struggle to keep up the energy required to do my job properly. And, if I were to be totally honest, it’s a struggle to buy groceries every week. In that conversation and as I sat in an auto mechanic’s shop in utter disbelief at the damaged tires I was shown, I realized that all the things that challenge me are a direct consequence of what I do with my life. (Even as I write this, I feel that consequence may be too harsh of a word.) And I can rest very easily in that. Not because I am a masochist, but because I truly believe that anything worthwhile has some type of sacrifice involved in that.
It was a really nice way to start off a 2-week break.