It’s been awhile since I’ve done this, so it feels like an opportune time. I would have done it on Friday, but the last two days have slipped away from me. Mostly, I enjoy doing this because I like to capture the insanity that is my life….
“Teachers please go sit in your classrooms and wait to be interviewed by police. But don’t touch anything. It’s a crime scene.”
“Ms. S…Ms. S..(waves hand frantically in the air, like you see on TV)…can I break this down for everyone?
Me: By all means…
Student: I get it. I get it. I get it. It would be like if Ms. S took her gin & juice bottle (100% not true) and sat in the back of the room and refused to teach us. Then every time we ask a question, she just says ‘I prefer not to.’ Then, one day she just dies. [We were reading “Bartleby, the Scrivener” in class.] Think about how bad we would all feel. We’d feel worthless…
Friend: You know, in today’s economy you really need 2 incomes.
Me: Well, I’ve asked you to marry me three times, and you’ve turned me down cold each time. So, I really don’t know what to do.
Friend: God would never let us get married. It would be too easy for the two of us to gang up on people.
Friday Evening (Part I)
Random Guy: You know what the best part of sitting down next to you is? You can be the worst person I’ll ever meet, and I’ll still walk out of here and sleep well tonight. (He was actually quite a nice guy, and I had a great time talking to him.)
Friday Evening (Part II)
Me: I think for my next career move, I’m going to take up curling.
Second Random Guy: Curling? WTF would you do that? If you’re going to do something, do that one where they bobsled..but backwards, you know. I don’t know what you call it, but they should call it ‘suicide.’
Me: So you just met me five minutes ago and you already want me dead. Awesome.
Friday Evening (Part III)
Not-so-Random Guy: Wait, hold up. You want to have Ochocinco’s babies. That’s hot. In fact, I’ll tell you what, if you do it and your entire family disowns you, I would fully support you.
Friday Evening (Part IV)
Random Guy #1: So, let me get this straight. You have a thing for Ochocino AND the bartender? You’re a very busy girl.
Friday Evening/Saturday Morning (My Analysis)
So this guy walks into a bar…and the rest of the night is absolutely fabulous.