I woke up this morning–on the fourth try–and just made a decision to be in a bad mood. Really, the day could have gone either way, I could have dragged myself out of bed, took a shower, and went about a normal Saturday of grading and running errands.
But I just didn’t want to.
And as I got up to close the blinds in my room and block out the sun, I realized that I’m rarely in a bad mood. Even if I wake up in one, there’s usually so much to do that I have to shake it off pretty instantly in order to function without going insane.
After all the has happened in the past three days, I really thought that I deserved to be in a bad mood. Just mad at everything and everybody.
Totally exhausted. Annoyed. Peeved. Cranky. Bitter. A little sad. Depressed.
All of the above.
So, I’ve slept a lot today. Watched a lot of basketball. Done a whole lot of nothing.
As I moved to bring my laptop within reach, I realized it’s been an awfully long time since I’ve done absolutely nothing. I mean I’ve stayed home, but I’ve cleaned or graded or planned or dealt with the multitude of things that are required to maintain alive-ness. Not today. None of the above. I have been parked on my bed and my couch.
I think one of the problems with teaching is that it’s so active that I rarely fully absorb the insanity. So, when it all becomes absorbed into my psyche–wow.
Now, that I’ve had hours to think about it–or not think about it, as the case may be–I’ve realized that I’m really more frustrated with myself. For spinning things into a bizarre state of “okay.”
And I fully intend to be frustrated and angry. At least until tomorrow morning when I see the sunshine and realize that it’s probably not that bad.