not blogging

The last three posts I’ve written are sitting as drafts. See, I’ve made a promise to myself not to complain. Honestly, they are not even true complaints, but they’re not happy and I’m trying to this an unhappy free zone.

But I also want to be honest so I’m going to just write a list. Facts only:

  • My brother gave me “Moneyball” for Christmas, and I just started reading it. A few chapters in, the short version is that it’s the story of Billy Beane. It really makes me want to be a baseball scout. Like really badly.
  • I switched my runs to outdoor runs this week because the weather has been so nice and because I really want to run a 5K. It hasn’t been nearly as bad as I thought it could be. I will say, though, that Elysian Park is brutal.
  • Every time I look at these cats, I really just want a dog. It’s starting to get to me.
  • I realized on Saturday evening that for the past 7 years I’ve done the exact same thing and gotten the exact same results. I know that’s part of the definition of insanity, BUT this time I didn’t expect different results. I knew what I was doing this time.
  • One of the best friends I’ve made in my adult life moved to South America five months ago. And while I fully support his happiness, I miss him terribly. That’s starting to get to me, too.
  • I have an overwhelming desire to disappear right now. I’m slowly shutting down social networking, except for Twitter at this point because that’s my only source of news.
  • The other thing that has been weighing heavily on my mind is that there was this guy I went out with for a while, and while I know we don’t belong together, I feel really bad that he never knew why I liked him.
  • I really, really, really miss baseball. When I spent thirty minutes this morning reading minor league stats, I realized that someone needs to play a game soon.
  • I have had this friend since freshman year of high school. And with all of the above thoughts rolling around in my brain and exhaustion from trying to catch up after three months of working two full-time jobs, I appreciate all of the laughter last night. All joking aside, he truly is one of my soul mates.

Blogging 2010 in Review

The good people at WordPress have provided a yearly summary of this blog, so I thought I’d share. Thank you so much for reading and for journeying along with the thoughts in my head.


The stats helper monkeys at mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.

Crunchy numbers


A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,500 times in 2010. That’s about 6 full 747s.


In 2010, there were 140 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 434 posts. There were 37 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 16mb. That’s about 3 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was July 14th with 154 views. The most popular post that day was a really good man..

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were,,,, and

Some visitors came searching, mostly for jana sosnowski, jana sosnowski watchtower,, standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, and ron dominguez cshm rip.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.


a really good man. July 2010


ASoulTwist December 2008


About Me December 2008


“The Doctor & The Devils” ~ Dylan Thomas April 2010


About My Blog December 2008


Yup, no “H.” And it’s in Kansas. Two and a half hours south of Kansas City. Why, you ask, would I go to Pittsburg?

I’d like to say purely for the experience of taking a city girl out of the beautiful city of Los Angeles and putting her into a small town just to see what would happen. But if you know me, you know there’s no way that’s true.

But I do like to make the best of every experience I have so I have compiled a (short) list of little-known facts about Pittsburg to save people the travel.

  • Pittsburg was featured on the Travel Channel’s food wars for fried chicken. As we drove down the road that is Pittsburg, I noticed the two conflicting signs for “Chicken Mary’s” and “Chicken Annie’s.” Little did I know that the feud between the two was featured on the Travel Channel.
  • Brian Williams of MSNBC fame started his career in Pittsburg.
  • Fireworks are legal. Firework Jack’s looks like a pretty promising establishment.
  • Pitsco is based here and appears to employ half of the people who live here.
  • There is a Pittsburg State University. So, technically it’s a college town.

I actually walked out onto the highway for this one.

Highway 69.

Chicken Mary's

Proof that I was there.

Touring the local Walmart

50 Things

I read in The First Draft a post about 50 things that bring happiness. The task was simple enough. To list 50 things that make you happy.  I didn’t read much into the process suggested by the blogger (courtneykane, who I love!), but I decided that I would do it as a stream of consciousness. So, I made the list of 50 in a rapid fire approach without thinking too hard or ranking them in any kind of order. Then, I went back to make a short comment about each.

Here goes….

  1. Laughing As in the soul-tickling, tear-evoking type of laughter. Laughing about things I shouldn’t be laughing about with really good friends. Silly fits of giggles that don’t stop for hours.
  2. Books Any and all. (Well, maybe not.) But books that touch somewhere deep inside and provide a little direction or insight. Books that touch a memory. Books that hit the core of the human spirit.
  3. Writing Just putting it out on paper. Writing creatively. Putting imagination into being. Sorting the deepest thoughts of my soul.
  4. Words Providing a visible manifestation of what exists in me. Finding representations of what exists in other people.
  5. Baseball The simplicity of the game. The complexity of the game. The metaphor it provides for life. The distraction it provides from life. Following players from the minor leagues to the major leagues.
  6. Meditation Finding the deep part inside me. And listening to it. Stilling myself to the point that nothing else exists but the soul.
  7. Running Finding a rhythm between body and soul. Shutting down the mind to stretch the capacity of the body.
  8. Music A universal language. As a collision of sound and silence. As a motivation, inspiration and comfort.
  9. little brothers As my three best friends. As absolute delights to my life and my being. As a responsibility and a privilege. Continue reading

Plinky #5: The Most Confusing Part of Life Is…

What part of life confuses me the most?

This is a funny question right now. Everything? Nothing? Both?

I’m going to do my best to describe my confusion, but it may not make sense. I think the most confusing part is the motion. Everything about movement in life is confusing. It appears that we control our destiny, but really we do not. It’s pre-ordained, I believe. Yet, if you sit doing nothing, you make no movement toward your destiny. So, there is constantly a fine line between accepting and creating your destiny. Of not being afraid to follow your dreams and of being sensible enough to keep yourself alive—literally and figuratively.

Then, there’s an added complication. Other people. Everyone is on a path and has his or her own destiny. Sometimes those paths intertwine and we’re not exactly sure why, or they diverge and we’re not sure why. Sometimes we let the paths diverge and sometimes we force them to. And this is true of every human interaction. Spending so much time teaching, it was hard to say goodbye to students for awhile. Then, I realized our time together was meant to be our time together. Sometimes the paths converge again, and this makes me happy, but most times we disappear from each other’s lives. Friends. Random strangers. Co-workers. Bosses. Family. They come and go. Their energies add to mine and then as quickly as they appear, they disappear.

With all of this movement, it is sometimes hard to know what is the correct path or the “right answer.” That’s confusing from time to time. I think, until you really learn to live in the moment and understand that the energy within you propels your direction. Then, it’s somewhat less confusing. Just a little less confusing.

Plinky #2: If I Had Unlimited Resources, I Would…

This is easy.

As a child, I always wanted to be able to shoot spiderweb out of my wrists and fly through the air, latching onto sides of buildings. Since I have twice been bit by spiders, I don’t think the chance of me developing this ability in any kind of natural way is going to happen.

So, I would create some sort of gadget that would allow me to do just that. Shoot web. Attach to buildings. Fly through the air.

That would be awesome.

Plinky: Because, why not?

Like I needed artificial writing prompts.

But I was very interested to see that WordPress teamed up with Plinky a couple of days ago. So, of course, I registered. I don’t know that I will use it everyday because I think of enough to ramble on about without the help of writing prompts.

You can find Plinky here and follow me if you want. Or you can read my answers here. I guess they come up with a little Plinky icon on the bottom.

Random Thoughts Because I Should Have Been Asleep 1 Hour & 51 Minutes Ago

I genuinely dislike the Los Lobos’ “Colossal Head” album.

Even worse, it bugs the daylights out of me that I hate it so much.

Today, this random guy told me that he went 9 months without cooking at home. The universe had to know that I would take that as a personal challenge. I’m on week 3.

Every now and again, I’ll meet someone and be blown away by the energy their soul. Today was the first time I really realized that I have the capacity to do that to other people.

That whole switch-blade saga from when I turned 18 suddenly made a whole lot of sense when I remembered something today.

I’m going to cheer for Manny this season. Purely for mockery and ridicule purposes.

I just calculated that if you meet me in a bar, you have a 1 in 920,000 of getting my phone number.

I think my cat can see ghosts.

Three nights ago I told myself that I should go to bed at 10. I didn’t fall asleep until 12:15. The next night, I decided 9 and failed again. So I decided to stop with the foolish bedtimes that are only going to be decimated by Jamaica Kincaid or manuals on writing.