When Pandora was Life

I never come back to this blog because I don’t want to write “I’m-coming-back-to-this-blog” post. It seems so daunting. Do I have to update everything that I’ve done in the years since I’ve last posted? Do I have to apologize for the random few posts when my daughter was first born and I wanted to try out Amazon affiliates? Do I pretend like it never happened and start fresh?

I’ve decided upon: sit down and write. Write it like you used to write. I’m the same. Except I’m not.

The samely different, I think.

But I remember. I remember when Pandora was life. I loved my stations. I worked hard to create them. They were beautiful. They helped me write. They helped me run.

Two things that have fallen the way of Pandora.

Except I write every day. I did it. I’m a full-time, work from home curriculum write. Full time. Like for real. I’ve been plugging away at this for over a decade. Tiny little projects. Huge projects. Breaks from freelancing because it was too hard to maintain and still teach. And then I quit. Again. And then I panicked. For the first time ever. And I told myself – three applications a day until you get it. And I did.

And bam! A year later – a year of extreme sweat and sacrifice – my company brought in a quarter of a million dollars. Like seriously.

I made it.

The girl who dreamed of this. Who developed these playlists and listened to them ad nauseum plugging away at my life dreams.

I did it.

And this was the first week that I didn’t work an insane amount of hours, and I wanted to write something for myself. So, I dusted off — my, uh password? – and came back in here.

And guess what?

Pandora is playing. I started with the station made from my favorites. And they’re still favorites. It’s like a little slice of nostalgia.

Everything’s changed but it’s still exactly the same.

I don’t teach anymore. At least not for now. Who knows what will happen. But the fact that I actually left the classroom is monumental for me. It was such a huge part of my identity for so long. It was me. And now it’s not. And it’s weird. It’s really weird. I don’t miss it in my day-to-day life, but I miss it theoretically if that makes sense.

I’m a mom. For real. Of two kids (I’m ignoring those Amazon posts). A girl and a boy. And they’re my everything. They are the reason that I have pushed so hard for the past year. And you know what? It’s an amazing feeling to be able to care for them and feed them and buy things they want and need. It’s all I could have wanted.

Layla just came on. I always said I’d name my daughter Layla Rhiannon. I didn’t. Probably a good thing. But it’s good.

Life is good.

It’s not Pandora anymore, but it’s beautiful.

 

new currently repeating

Cobra Bow Tie by The Canine Gospel. But it was a close tie with Boogie Man by the same band.

The write-up is for another time because I’ve only listened to their demo about eighteen times today, and that’s not nearly enough for an adequate opinion. (I’m totally serious about that.)

But suffice it to say, I have a total love affair with electric guitars. And this band is my new crush.

music…

I was trying to edit wedding pictures today when I got sidetracked by the overabundance of pictures I had of the musicians at the wedding. This wedding featured a mariachi band, a live DJ, and a traditional rock-type band. I had a lot of fun playing with the pictures and presets in Lightroom.

And all the while my one major thought was: If I could have a beer with any two people in the world, it would be David Hidalgo and Louie Perez.


currents

I’ve pretty much been listening to Led Zeppelin for the past three weeks or so. Just been in that kind of mood. Plus, it’s good working and running music. I like the transitions to be seamless so pulling the iPod off the dock and switching to headphones to run is important. My current favorite, favorite song is “What is and What Should Never Be.” Screeching guitars. And it totally sets you up to think you’re going to get a nice, slow song. Then, BAM! That’s a good description of my overall mood, too.

Coincidentally, this has become my wedding-prep song. (Not for me getting married, but for shooting weddings.) Don’t ask.

For the books:

I picked up today “The Bullpen Gospels.” I heard Keith Olbermann talk about it a couple of months ago and was so disappointed to figure out that he had obviously gotten an advanced copy. So, I’m excited for it in a major way. Plus, I think it will help with the rewrites I’m about to begin.

The other is “The Winner Stands Alone” by Paulo Coelho. I’m working my way through Coelho’s books in the order they appear in my life. Seriously. I’ve had friends hand them to me. Then, I found one sitting on the shelf–out of place–at the library a few weeks ago. So, when I returned it today, this book was the only remaining book in the “Coelho” section. Figured that it must be the right time for it. The eerie thing about these books is that not only do I feel like they’re telling my story, but I also feel they’ve been timed perfectly each and every time.

currently repeating

I have this major issue with playing the same song over and over (and over and over and over) again. Usually, they’re not stuck in my head. I just want to hear them.

I think for February through May, the song was “Hey Joe” by Jimi Hendrix. I laugh now because I realize it was purely just about being in a dark place for me.

The current song is “Billionaire” by Travie McCoy with Bruno Mars.

I’m going to take a guess and say that I’m just fixated on it right now because it’s so happy. (And I’ve developed a crazy crush on McCoy.)

At any rate, I’m going to put the currently repeating song in the sidebar on this blog. It may not change for a while because they can sometimes stay for months at a time. But I figured that whole sidebar captures my current mood and progress, and it wouldn’t be complete without music.

exactly how I feel

Interpreted correctly, this is exactly it:

All alone at the end of the of the evening
And the bright lights have faded to blue
I was thinking about a woman who might have
Loved me and I never knew
You know I’ve always been a dreamer
(spent my life running ’round)
And it’s so hard to change
(can’t seem to settle down)
But the dreams I’ve seen lately
Keep on turning out and burning out
And turning out the same

So put me on a highway
And show me a sign
And take it to the limit one more time

You can spend all your time making money
You can spend all your love making time
If it all fell to pieces tomorrow
Would you still be mine?

And when you’re looking for your freedom
(nobody seems to care)
And you can’t find the door
(can’t find it anywhere)
When there’s nothing to believe in
Still you’re coming back, you’re running back
You’re coming back for more

So put me on a highway
And show me a sign
And take it to the limit one more time

Take it to the limit
Take it to the limit
Take it to the limit one more time