…in my 29 years of life, my father told me that I’m better than another human being.
That just goes to show how utterly vile the other person is.
…in my 29 years of life, my father told me that I’m better than another human being.
That just goes to show how utterly vile the other person is.
My knee is bruised in four places.
I didn’t even know it except it hurt all day to walk on. Then, I thought I should take a look at see what the problem was. Bruises. I didn’t even cry because of the pain. I cried out of sheer frustration. I’m upset because running is the one thing I do every day that clears my mind, and I really need that right now. But I’m also upset because I truly believe it is the physical manifestation of something plaguing my soul right now, which really means I need a shaman.
I’m tired of people lying to me.
And I’m even more tired of people trying to “comfort” me by saying that the liars have a weakness. Lying to a person is a lack of respect for that person’s humanity. And unless I’ve done something to deserve it, I’m tired of it. I’m trying to work through this, but I can’t. Which is probably why my knee is bruised and doubly why I need a shaman.
F—ing frustrated.
Mom: Why do you need a home that big?
Me: So, I can build my empire. Just picture it (hands make a swishing motion)…
Mom: bursts into laughter
Now, we’re getting somewhere!
Student: I’m going to Paris for spring break.
Me: Wow. I must be doing something wrong in life.
2nd Student: Well, it could be that you want to work at Starbucks.
(My students are actually very nice, and this was funnier than it was offensive.)
I had pretty amazing day. BUT, I have to say that one of the best parts of it was when someone stood with their face about two inches from mine and asked what kind of makeup I wear.
Because, she said, your skin color is so pretty.
Thanks, I said. And I really meant it.
The last three posts I’ve written are sitting as drafts. See, I’ve made a promise to myself not to complain. Honestly, they are not even true complaints, but they’re not happy and I’m trying to this an unhappy free zone.
But I also want to be honest so I’m going to just write a list. Facts only:
goodbyes: It’s funny because I think the thing that has made me get over my troubles with saying goodbye has been my teaching career. You can’t not say goodbye to your students. It just doesn’t work that way. This has been interesting for me, though. I never expected that I would like students so much after just one quarter of teaching. My times as a long-term substitute is over as of today, and I realized that I’m going to miss my students. It’s so strange. I basically stumbled to work today. Not enough sleep. Overslept. No hot water in my shower. Couldn’t find socks. And then there’s the issue of the half-caffeinated coffee. Spells like a recipe for a horrible day, but it wasn’t. And it wasn’t when I had to stay two hours later. And as I drove home, I realized that there’s a big part of me that is a teacher, whether or not I want that to be.
gold: My American Express gold card arrived in the mail today. I opened the package, activated it and then stared at it. I have no idea what I thought I was going to do with it. I just thought it would be fun to have one. Yup, fun. I have spent the past six months digging myself out of seven years worth of debt, and I’m waiting on one more check to pay off my last credit card. So, really I have no intention of racking up more debt, but well, it looks nice.
baseball: I drive by Dodger Stadium twice a day. It’s torture now. In the morning, I’m on the freeway so I only see the offramp and I think to myself: almost. In the afternoon, I get off the freeway and take a shortcut around the back way of Dodger Stadium. That’s when it’s really torture because when I come home, it’s close to what would be game time. And the entrance gate looks so inviting. Soon.