[The italics are what I should have said. The quotes are the actual conversation.]
So, I get into the elevator in my apartment building yesterday with a canvas USC bag. This guy gets into the elevator and says, “Hi my name is —-. I’ve seen you around a lot.”
Well, yea. If we live in the same building, bound to happen.
“Hi, Jana. Nice to meet you.”
“You go to USC?”
Nope, I just like their football team.
“Ah.” (PAUSE) “We’re probably walking the same way. Can I walk with you?”
Umm. No. Did you see the earphones in my ears.
“I guess so.”
“What did you study at USC?”
Oh my goodness, shut up.
“Well, journalism the first time and education the second.”
“Really? Wow. Usually, smart girls aren’t pretty.” (PAUSE) “You know…usually. Smart or pretty.”
Stare. Stare. “I guess.”
“So, do you think you’d want to go out with me sometime?”
Well, honestly, I find you unattractive. I don’t find you amusing in any way. Nor do I think we would have anything to talk about. And I’d really hate to waste my own very limited free time.
“Really. Actually, I have a boyfriend. Sorry.” (lies, lies, lies)
“Oh. That doesn’t really matter.”
Are you an idiot? Seriously?
“It does to me.”
Now, I write this only as background for the conversation with my mother later on that evening. My mother loves The Bachelor. So, last week I watched it for her, and as I suspected it’s the dumbest thing ever. But she watches it nonetheless.
So, she says to me last night, “You don’t need a reality show. You ARE a reality show. The only thing that is missing is those text polls. They could say Text 1 if you think Jana was mean to the guy in the elevator. Text 2 if you think the guy in the elevator was an idiot.”
I cried I laughed so hard.