with much disappointment…

…comes great joy.

And I’m not saying this to be trite or to make myself feel better about something.

Do you ever think that possibly the universe doesn’t “let” you have something until you’ve earned it? I think I learned today that this is exactly what happens.

I think—I know— that I made the right decision today. And a huge one at that (so I’m doubly proud of myself for making it rationally and logically).

No sooner was the intention stated as the one thing that I’ve been praying for for the past three months occurred. Bam! Just like that.

And no it’s not my house. (That’s the disappointment part.)

But I learned today that hoping and planning for things is meaningless. Praying with and for love is pretty much all there is.

So along with my disappointment, I my heart has been filled with an immense amount of love.


"The Joy of Less"

… I did begin to guess that happiness lies less in our circumstances than in what we make of them, in every sense. “There is nothing either good or bad,” I had heard in high school, from Hamlet, “but thinking makes it so.”

The Joy of Less – Happy Days Blog – NYTimes.com.

I came across this blog during my morning perusal of the New York Times. It made me think a lot about things that have been going on in my life lately. Specifically, it made me think of the past two days as I have been tired of the routine that has become my life.

It’s strange when you’re working 40, 50, even 60 hours a week. Everything has this pretty little structure. You are supposed to be somewhere at a certain time and perform certain tasks at certain times. There is a part of our humanness that enjoys that. It’s like a ridiculous security net that saps the very soul out of you.

I don’t believe that our souls enjoy that routine in any fashion. At least, I have realized in the last few weeks that my soul definitely does not. It’s almost as though I have become alive in many ways. And, it’s almost as though I didn’t realize how un-alive I was before. It’s not even about  being able to walk down the street at 2 p.m. if I so desire. It really isn’t. It’s about this deep peace in doing things that I truly love to do.

I realize that my frustration with this in the past few days has nothing to do with me. It has to do with my listening to opinions and seeking advice. For some reason, this is really not the time for that. Instead, it’s more the time for vigorous workouts, cups of coffee, hours of writing, hiking into the hills, and ridiculous games on the computer.

As I walked yesterday and sat near a fountain, listening to Van Morrison, drinking my coffee, there was not a thought in my mind. It was the perfect break to an afternoon of cover letter writing.

I have been having those moments very frequently lately. Moments where I feel as though nothing else in the world exists, and there is a deep peace inside of me. The strangest part of all is that in this same time period, the most ridiculous (read: awful) things have happened. It’s been like setback after setback. And, much in the way the author of this blog describes, I told my mom on Sunday, this stuff can keeping coming, and I’m going to maintain every ounce of positivity that I can because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter.

It really doesn’t. Much of what consumes us in this life is very fleeting. It does nothing to enrich our spirits or engage our souls. Instead, it saps the life out of us, creating fictitious pain and stress.

My goal right now is not to fall into a cycle that would be less life-giving. I can see where the opportunity would be. But like always, I believe that everything happens as it should. Coming across “The Joy of Less” would definitely fall into that category.