conversations with my students

Student: I’m going to Paris for spring break.

Me: Wow. I must be doing something wrong in life.

2nd Student: Well, it could be that you want to work at Starbucks.

(My students are actually very nice, and this was funnier than it was offensive.)

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best moment of the day

I had pretty amazing day. BUT, I have to say that one of the best parts of it was when someone stood with their face about two inches from mine and asked what kind of makeup I wear.

Because, she said, your skin color is so pretty.

Thanks, I said. And I really meant it.

line(s) of the day

This one is a tie. And I’m glad because I wasn’t going to post the first one because of the language. Now, that it has a twin, I don’t care so much.

1. “You DO realize that you already have a master’s degree.”

2. “No, no, no. There’s no dying. And if there is, this is fucking band of brothers shit.”

oh where to start….quotes of the week.

“Well, the good news is that if you lose 10 more pounds from the stress of this job, you could most definitely be a stripper.”

“Bartender, the two Swedish guys drank from my cup….that’s kind of a problem.”

ME: So, if go back far enough, we can see that Jesus descended from Abraham.
STUDENT: Wait, wait, hold up. Jesus was related to the first President of the United States?!?

BOSS: I have to provide an 8-10 page report about the faculty every month.
FRIEND: You know 2 of those pages are about us.
ME: Two EACH. With pictures. From surveillance.

“Him!! The Scary, Jack o’ Lantern pedophile? I would not let him teach my puppy!”

FRIEND: I just don’t know why your crush (on Ochocinco) is slight.
ME: Well, he’s just in the rare category of I’d rather BE him.

“I feel like I’m in a fishbowl. The whole world is just going on around us….”

Happy End of the Week!

The Week in Quotes

It’s been awhile since I’ve done this, so it feels like an opportune time. I would have done it on Friday, but the last two days have slipped away from me.  Mostly, I enjoy doing this because I like to capture the insanity that is my life….

Monday

“Teachers please go sit in your classrooms and wait to be interviewed by police. But don’t touch anything. It’s a crime scene.”

Wednesday

“Ms. S…Ms. S..(waves hand frantically in the air, like you see on TV)…can I break this down for everyone?

Me: By all means…

Student: I get it. I get it. I get it. It would be like if Ms. S took her gin & juice bottle (100% not true) and sat in the back of the room and refused to teach us. Then every time we ask a question, she just says ‘I prefer not to.’ Then, one day she just dies. [We were reading “Bartleby, the Scrivener” in class.] Think about how bad we would all feel. We’d feel worthless…

Wednesday Evening

Friend: You know, in today’s economy you really need 2 incomes.

Me: Well, I’ve asked you to marry me three times, and you’ve turned me down cold each time. So, I really don’t know what to do.

Friend: God would never let us get married. It would be too easy for the two of us to gang up on people.

Friday Evening (Part I)

Random Guy: You know what the best part of sitting down next to you is? You can be the worst person I’ll ever meet, and I’ll still walk out of here and sleep well tonight. (He was actually quite a nice guy, and I had a great time talking to him.)

Friday Evening (Part II)

Me: I think for my next career move, I’m going to take up curling.

Second Random Guy: Curling? WTF would you do that? If you’re going to do something, do that one where they bobsled..but backwards, you know. I don’t know what you call it, but they should call it ‘suicide.’

Me: So you just met me five minutes ago and you already want me dead. Awesome.

Friday Evening (Part III)

Not-so-Random Guy: Wait, hold up. You want to have Ochocinco’s babies. That’s hot. In fact, I’ll tell you what, if you do it and your entire family disowns you, I would fully support you.

Friday Evening (Part IV)

Random Guy #1: So, let me get this straight. You have a thing for Ochocino AND the bartender? You’re a very busy girl.

Friday Evening/Saturday Morning (My Analysis)

So this guy walks into a bar…and the rest of the night is absolutely fabulous.